


Memories of Tintagel

by pezzax



Category: Arthurian Mythology, Arthurian Mythology & Related Fandoms, Merlin (TV)
Genre: Agoraphobia, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arthurian, Canonical Character Death, Flashbacks, Hallucinations, M/M, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Virtual Reality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2020-08-24
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:28:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26077996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pezzax/pseuds/pezzax
Summary: Arthur slipped on his virtual reality headset and clicked to start the Google Earth app. He hadn't been out of his suite in over a week, hadn't been off the grounds in at least six. He wasn't really sure why he was bothering to follow the advice of a quack who thought playing with stupid electronics would help him rewire his brain, rebuild his life. But he didn't have anything else to do. So what the hell.
Relationships: Merlin & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 18
Kudos: 39





	Memories of Tintagel

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was inspired by my Saturday morning visit to Tintagel Castle in VR on Google Earth. I'm embarrassed to admit that I was literally in tears exploring the castle, so excited to finally see the grounds that I've read about my whole life....and yet, I think if anyone would understand, it's likely to be one of you. (Honestly, the only other time I can remember having this same feeling was at Disney world's Prince Caspian exhibit when Aslan said "Welcome back to Narnia.") While I was in VR, I kept envisioning Arthur as a boy running around the grounds, and it made me so happy! 
> 
> My apologies for the angst at the beginning.
> 
> Which leads me to these Trigger warnings: Flashbacks to being shot, mentions of seeing another person die from being shot, mentions of blood. It's all in the second and third paragraphs, so just skip those if you need to. Agoraphobic character who has PTSD.

Arthur slipped on his virtual reality headset and clicked to start the Google Earth app. He hadn't been out of his suite in over a week, hadn't been off the grounds in at least six. His psychiatrist, who he reluctantly met with on Zoom every other week at his sister's insistence, had suggested that virtually going outside into public places, might help him reach a point where he could eventually manage the same feat in reality. 

He didn't really believe it. Didn't really think going into public again was something he cared to do anyway. Just going out in the open had him flinching, expecting to hear gunshots, bracing for the feeling of a bullet slicing through his left lung but missing all other vitals that would have killed him. And as awful as those memories were, what followed was so so much worse. Worse than the pain, worse than the weeks in the hospital, worse than the physical therapy to learn to use his arm again and rebuild strength in his shoulder. 

He'd get tunnel vision as he relived the moment that he hit the pavement and saw his father, already on the ground, lifeless beside him. He didn't see the pool of blood or the rain splattering into puddles around them. Didn't even see his father's body, only his eyes, grey now and lacking the spirit, the fire, that they'd always held. He'd hear the slamming of a car door, then the screech of tires spinning out on the wet street, the whining engine getting fainter as the car sped away from them after taking so much. 

Taking everything. 

So Arthur wasn't really sure why he was bothering to follow the advice of a quack who thought playing with stupid electronics would help him rewire his brain, rebuild his life. But he didn't have anything else to do. So what the hell. 

He let Google Earth take him through one of the prebuilt tours. It did nothing for him. Didn't feel like being back out in the open, since he was either hovering above cities or floating out in space. But it was kind of cool. Better than the boredom that plagued every minute that wasn't filled with terror and panic attacks anyway. And worlds better than those. 

He fumbled with unseen buttons on the controllers, managed to accidentally open a search window and click a few letters randomly. He figured out how to delete a couple of the letters, and the words under the search bar caught his eye. 

Tintagel, U.K.

He'd never been to Tintagel - was supposed to be typing in London, U.K. instead, per the psychologist - but decided to click on it anyway and was suddenly hovering over the countryside near the sea. A red arrow nearby indicated the location of Tintagel, but Arthur's eyes caught on the water. He pressed the joystick on his controller and whooshed forward toward the coastline, toward the ruins of a castle. 

He looked down at the virtual controllers where his hands should be and saw that he was at Tintagel Castle, and a notification that Street View was available. That's what the quack had told him to try. Street View. So he clicked it. 

As the screen faded into an imperfect rendition of the stairs leading up to the ruins, the first thing Arthur noticed was people around him. Sure, they were a few feet beneath him and were a slightly odd size, but their presence was enough to spark his memories. Gunshot, pain, blood, death.

Breathing deeply to work through the panic attack, he pressed the trigger to move to a white arrow on the ground up ahead, taking him up the stairs toward the ruins. He savored the views of the sea on a beautiful day, idly noting that someone must have spent hours upon hours taking photos to have so many 360 degree viewpoints just ascending the stairs. 

When he reached the top, he stopped before a huge wooden door, open in its stone wall, feeling like stepping through would be a momentous occasion, then laughing at what a ridiculous nimby he'd become. He was in a freaking virtual rendition of some ancient castle across the country from him - a place he'd never been in reality, and never would be, since he was never planning to leave the safety of his own palace ever again - pretending that he was doing something epic and marvelous. 

Without fanfare, he pressed the trigger to go inside. 

And nothing momentous happened, of course. 

But it had a rugged beauty to it that he admired. The walls had worn down over the ages, some looking to be only ankle high, while others were still almost two stories tall, but the entirety of the footprint of the building was still visible. He wished that the virtual images would let him go down into the structure, to stand right next to the jagged stone walls. Arthur could picture exactly what it had looked like when it was whole, knew without seeing any signs that this was the great hall of Tintagel. But that didn't mean anything really, he'd probably just seen photos of it when he was in school. This was certainly the type of thing they'd want the future king to learn about. 

Click. He pressed the trigger to move further up and further in. His eyes kept darting down to the coastline, as if he expected to see someone there. More likely something. His mind was probably warning him of the danger of an attack coming from the sea. 

_There's a cave down there._ The thought came, unbidden, into his mind along with a rush of joy that he couldn't explain

Click. As he got closer to the beautiful archway that Tintagel was famous for - because yes, now that he saw it, he realized that he had seen pictures before - he began to see visions overlaid on top of the virtual world. This same landscape rushing by from the perspective of someone much smaller. Children's giggles surrounding him. Picking handfuls of the yellow wildflowers in a bunch to take home with him. Tugging at the collar of a stuffy shirt on the way to chapel at the top of the hill, wishing he was in his regular clothes so he could play with the other kids. The bell of the chapel ringing repetitively to announce the start of the daily mass. 

Click. The higher he went, toward the top of the precipice, labeled "Dark Ages Remains" on a sign, the more familiar it all looked. He remembered. Turning back around toward the entrance, he understood why he hadn't recognized it at first. The stairs he'd started on hadn't existed back then. That whole section had been land, connecting the mainland to the precipice, but had since collapsed. 

Glancing back at the great hall, he half expected to see his mother standing at the entrance, long blonde hair blowing in the sea-breeze, calling his name, exasperated that he'd run off again right before the meal was served. Gods, how he missed her, missed being kissed on the forehead before bed, missed the way she'd envelope him so completely for a hug, even missed the way she'd scold him when he came back from running along the tops of the sea cliffs.

That thought jolted him out of whatever nonsensical insanity he'd been wrapping himself in. 

What. The. Hell! 

In all of the months since his father's assassination, he'd thought himself insane. Panic attacks. Severe agoraphobia. PTSD. Those were all names for his insanity. But this? This was clearly on a whole other level. 

His mother had died during childbirth. He'd never known the woman, other than from photos and a handful of home movies of her playing with his sister before he was born. Sure, he'd missed the concept of a mother, but he'd never had her love to miss it in such an achingly tangible way before this moment. And regardless of the feeling, the almost memory, his mother had never stood on the grounds of Tintagel Castle, had never called him in for dinner, had never been upset with him for anything. 

He felt tears spilling one by one from his eyes and dripping down his face until they hit the VR headset, and idly wondered if tears might damage the electronics. He also suspected that he should get out of this before he was too far gone for his psychiatrist to save him. But he wasn't ready to go back to reality yet, wasn't ready to abandon the warm nostalgia that suffused him with each new view. 

Click. He reached the top of the hill. There was a figure before him, and he momentarily braced himself for the panic attacks, but he must have subconsciously understood that it was a statue rather than a person, because his mind remained blessedly clear. He was drawn to the statue, but unfortunately, couldn't get any closer in this virtual world. He loved the way the flowing cape created a larger than life figure, with a man underneath who was of smaller stature. He'd felt like that himself many times in his life, especially lately. Felt unworthy of the position he'd inherited, and unable to live up to the expectations placed upon him. Who was he to take over as king now that his father was dead? He glanced down at the controllers, seeing the words Estatua del Rey Arturo - statue of King Arthur. 

He laughed out loud. 

He'd clearly finally cracked. When he was a kid, he'd put two and two together to get one hundred: his name was Arthur, he was going to be king one day, therefore he was King Arthur! Those childhood delusions of grandeur had obviously consumed his mind.

He exited Street View, ready to hit the search button again and go to London to look for his missing sanity. But that sea. The coastline. WAS there a cave? He had to know. He zoomed to the shore then hit Street View. 

He was standing in front of a waterfall. It was lovely, with the ruins above him, sand and shells under his feet, and it looked like there might be a cave back in a darker section of the image, but there weren't any other linked views with this one. His disappointment was so overwhelming that he almost fell to his knees with grief. What did he expect to see in this cave that would warrant such a reaction? 

He exited Street View and reentered nearby, on the edge of another precipice. Just the sea and grass all around him. Not what he was looking for. He exited and reentered again, practically standing on a man's cap, who was apparently holding his camera up to take this image. A third time, in a little village with gift shops and signs in both English and Welsh. Again. 

He was inside the cave. He'd somehow found it! 

This view wasn't linked to any others either, but it didn't matter, because he was inside. In his excitement, he accidentally bumped the controllers together and exited the view of the cave all the way out to floating beside the earth. 

"No! No, no, no, no, no!" He wondered when was the last time anything had felt this important to him. But didn't dwell on the thought, because he managed to not only get back inside the cave, but into another view that was actually linked to several others. 

He could explore! 

It was massively tall, though not very deep. He'd remembered it as a secret cave, not much taller than his head, as a boy. Somewhere that he'd had to duck into as a kid and constantly be careful to not hit his head on the ceiling when he'd reached manhood. Though, he rationalized, 1500 years of seawater pounding into it would likely explain the changes. 

He found himself gazing around expectantly. Looking for someone. But of course, that made no sense, because he was here virtually. And there weren't any people in the images. 

Click. He moved deeper into the cave, as far back as the images would take him. It still felt much too large, but when he turned to face the side wall and saw a boulder that might have been semi comfortable to sit on, he felt it. The nostalgic visions once again filled his mind, suffused his whole being with warmth. 

"Why are you in my cave?" A boy popped out from behind a boulder at the back of the cave and tossed a small rock at him, hitting him lightly on the cheek. Arthur, at thirteen, was convinced that he was already a warrior, that his senses were honed to the point that no one could sneak up on him, and his reflexes were trained to be as quick as a cat's. He hated the fact that this boy had both surprised him and hit him, even though the rock was so small that he'd barely felt it. 

"Don't you know who I am? The cave belongs to me, same as everything in Tintagel. And you…you could spend a day in the stocks for assaulting me." Other than his slight stutter, he felt that he'd managed to sound sufficiently royal. Almost enough to make up for failing to notice that there was a boy in the cave when he first came in to explore it. 

The boy just laughed, running one hand through his raven black hair. "Who do you think you are? The king?"

Arthur couldn't believe this boy hadn't figured it out already, but he took pleasure in educating him. "No, I'm his son. Arthur."

The vision faded and Arthur would have given anything to bring it back. He wanted to know what happened next, wanted to hear that boy's voice again more than he could remember ever wanting anything. 

He clicked around the cave, focusing his attention on each detail in the hopes that he'd spark another vision. 

Nothing. 

Wishing hadn't gotten him anything these past months, so he didn't know why he'd even dared to hope this time. 

Click. He navigated to the opening of the cave, planning to go back up into the ruins to chase the feeling, even though he knew deep down that he wouldn't see what he was hoping for up there. He needed to be down here. 

Just before he went back out onto the sunny shore, at the entrance of the cave, another wave of memory hit him so hard he was dizzy with it. The raven haired boy was back, older now, likely in his early twenties, and tall enough that he would have to crawl to get out of the entrance that was suddenly a small hidden hole rather than the gaping maw it had been just moments before. He was laughing, mouth wide and eyes squeezed shut with joy. Arthur could hear himself laughing along with him, could hear their joined laughter echoing off the cave walls and magnifying back to them. 

He didn't remember what had been said that they'd found so funny, that wasn't part of the memory, but he felt the shift in his mind, from joy at the joke to heat at the thought that their laughter had joined, tangled together in the echo. Desire stronger than any he'd ever felt suffused him, to tangle their lives so tightly together that they'd never have to part. The other felt it a split second later, his laughter cutting off as Arthur breathed his name, "Merlin…" and pressed him back against the cave wall, tasting his lips in a kiss that only hinted at the depths of what he was feeling. 

As he pulled away, nervous that he'd finally exposed his feelings, elated that Merlin seemed to reciprocate them if his shy smile was any indication, he felt that he needed to say something. Needed to break the tension that crackled between them. "You know, all those years ago, when you said this was your cave? My first act as king will be to give it to you, to commemorate our first kiss. I'll decree that this is 'Merlin's Cave.' Everyone will think it has something to do with your magic, but you and I will always know the truth, it's just because you're you."

And apparently, he'd managed to say the right thing, because Merlin tugged him back, pulling him flush against Merlin's body for a second kiss that was much less chaste, much more searing. 

The memory faded, and Arthur fell to his knees on the carpeted floor of his sitting room, still seeing only the cave around him, sobbing with the fear that he'd never see the boy - Merlin - again. Never feel such love again. The rational part of his mind, though honestly there was very little of his mind that was being rational, pointed out that this was further proof that he'd completely lost it. Everyone knew the stories of King Arthur and his magical advisor Merlin. For Arthur to include Merlin in his visions was ludicrous. Even moreso because he'd chosen to envision the old magician as a gorgeous young man of similar age to himself. None of the rational arguments slowed his tears, eased the ache of loss that he was feeling. 

He lost track of time while he cried. He knew he should take the headset off, to wipe the tears from his face at the very least, but also…could he get electrocuted from all of the tears and electronics? But he couldn't bring himself to break the contact with the visions. With the past? Could it be his past? If he left this virtual world, he might never see these visions again, and he couldn't bear that thought. 

When he'd crouched on his hands and knees long enough that exhaustion began to set in, long enough for the tears to stop falling and soak into the material of the headset, he rolled to his back. He couldn't rest his head on the floor without lifting the headset off his face, pulling him back into reality, so he slipped the controller off one hand and propped that arm under his neck. Staring up at the imperfect rendition of the cave ceiling, he sighed, wishing he could see more. 

And then the cave was suddenly closing in on him. A hand grabbed his free hand, gently lacing their fingers together, and he turned his head to the side. Merlin, a lanky teen this time, was smiling at him, lying on the cave floor beside him. 

"Merlin," he heard himself say, "why don't you live inside the keep? Why do you and your mum live out near the fields, even though you aren't farmers?"

Merlin looked away from him, like he was planning to tell a lie and didn't want Arthur to see it in his eyes, but Arthur knew him well enough after all of these years to know all of his tells. "Hey, you're my best friend, Merlin. You can tell me anything."

"I have magic, Arthur. I was born with it, like my da." He swallowed, clearly not wanting to continue.

"Merlin, that just might be the most amazing thing I've ever heard, except that you're my best friend and you're only just now telling me! Will you show me something?" 

Merlin's eyes began to glow and a dragon made of bright golden motes suddenly floated above them, filling all of the space in the small cave, illuminating the dark space brighter than daylight. The dragon flapped its wings slowly a few times, then the motes converged into a swirling maelstrom of gold, like a whirlpool on the ceiling, spinning faster and faster until individual motes began breaking off to attach to the ceiling in perfect replica of the night sky. Arthur recognized the Greek constellations Cassiopeia, Ursa Major, and the Pleiades, among others… all part of his lessons as the future king, but surprising knowledge for a boy who didn't even live in the keep. Of course, Merlin had always seemed well educated, if Arthur had ever thought about it, but until now, he hadn't. 

"Merlin, this is the absolute coolest thing I've ever seen! You're amazing! I would enjoy astronomy lessons if I could take them with you." He didn't let his next thought escape as words, but he would enjoy almost anything as long as Merlin was with him. Arthur's giddy excitement faded as he noticed the tears filling his friend's eyes, threatening to spill. "What haven't you told me?"

"Do you know how your da met your mum, Arthur?"

That seemed an odd change of subject, but Arthur suspected that Merlin had his reasons. "Sure. He saw her at a treaty negotiation that eventually went awry. Says it was love at first sight, but she was already married to Duke Gorlois. When the Duke fell in battle, my father was free to pursue her. He tells the story at feasts all of the time to remind my mother that she's loved."

"Yeah, that's not how it happened." Merlin pulled his hand free from Arthur's, and Arthur instantly missed the warmth, missed the connection that he'd hoped was giving comfort to Merlin too. "The treaty negotiations were ended because your da wanted what Gorlois had, wanted to go to war with him to get it. Once their forces were in battle, he coerced my da to use magic to disguise him as Gorlois so your mum would welcome him into her bed. He threatened to kill my mum if he didn't comply." Arthur hated hearing Merlin's sniffling as he tried to hide the fact that telling this was making him cry. "My da hid my mum in a cottage out in the fields after that night, planning to move away as soon as he could escape your da's service. But a few months into the war, when Duke Gorlois fell in battle and it became known that your mum was with child, your da had my da killed to keep his secret."

Arthur was stunned. He wanted to say that his father wouldn't do those things, that the truth was the story that was told at feasts. But deep down, he knew. Merlin's story had the ring of truth to it, but that still didn't mean that he could accept it. "If that story were true, Merlin, don't you think my father would have killed you and your mum? You aren't very well hidden, you know." His voice sounded cold, angry, even to his own ears, and he wished that he could soften it. Wished that he could explain that he was worried for Merlin's safety. 

Arthur saw the fear in Merlin's eyes, and, finally in control of his actions again rather than being dictated by the vision, tried to grab Merlin's hand again. When he grabbed empty air, he rolled, hoping to hold on to Merlin and the memory by hugging him. He knocked his knee on the coffee table of his sitting room, and then he was alone again. No sign that Merlin had ever been there, except the name of the cave that had persisted for over 1500 years. 

He reached toward where he'd felt the coffee table and used it to push himself up off the floor. He had no idea how much time had passed, but knew that he hadn't bothered to eat breakfast, and wasn't certain whether he'd had dinner the night before. He was feeling fatigue, dizziness…and now that he considered it, thought it was possible that those were the reason that he was hallucinating. He knew that he needed to exit the app and take care of himself, knew that he didn't actually need to stand up and leave the cave to do so, but couldn't bring himself to exit while still in the cave. He looked around one last time, trying to commit everything that had just happened to memory, wondering whether he'd ever come back. Thinking that he'd likely never touch the headset again. 

As he took a few steps toward the back of the cave, toward the place where Merlin had been the first time they met, the sound of gravel and shells crunching under his feet replaced the muted feel of the carpet. He was breathing heavily, almost gasping for breath. He'd run the whole way to the cave. 

"Merlin? Are you here?" His voice echoed, but there was no answer. The cave wasn't large enough for someone to be in here without hearing him. "Merlin, I need you!" He whispered the words that he probably wouldn't have said if Merlin had actually been here, words that were a sign of weakness that he could no longer afford to feel. Tears filled his eyes, but he kept swiping them away without letting them fall. 

"My father…" He knew that his father wasn't perfect, was in fact far from it, but he was still the only father Arthur had. And now, with his death, Arthur had to take the crown. "I'm not ready, Merlin. I don't think I can be king. I don't know if I'll ever be ready." He stumbled to the back of the cave and dropped onto the boulder, knees pulled up to his chest and back against the wall, still swiping away tears that he wished he could stop from appearing in his eyes. He closed them, leaning his head back to rest against the cold, damp stone, then jerked upright when something gently brushed against his leg. 

"Merlin? How?"

Merlin sat next to him on the boulder, bumping his shoulder into Arthur's in the process. "I never know when you'll get free to come down here, so I put a ward on the cave. Anything said in here is replayed into my ears as if from far away. I hear it like a ghost of a whisper. And I'd been working on a spell that lets me move from one spot to another instantly. I've never gone as far as I did today, but you sounded like you could use some company." He reached out and clasped Arthur's hand in his, like they'd done so many times in their lives, but Arthur had never needed the contact as much as he did now. "So… here I am."

There was so much Arthur wanted to say. So many fears and worries. An entire country depending on him to pull it together and be the king they needed him to be. But the words that escaped him were more true than anything else he could have said in that moment, "Merlin, I can't do this without you."

"Can't do what, Arthur?" 

Even if Merlin had somehow missed the news of Uther's death - which was highly unlikely, since Uther was the king and news of his death was on every tongue - he'd just admitted to hearing everything Arthur had said in the cave. So rather than repeating himself, Arthur simply answered, "Exist."

Merlin laughed, without any actual mirth, but in acknowledgment of what he obviously thought was Arthur's attempt at a joke. He responded to what he probably assumed was Arthur's true worry. "Arthur, I believe in you. You will be an amazing king!"

It was as if they were having two separate conversations, and Arthur needed Merlin to understand. He turned and took both of Merlin's hands in his, "Not without you at my side, Merlin. All of these years that we've been friends, I've only felt right, felt whole, during the times that I've been here with you. It's like we're two sides of the same coin, and without both of us together, I'm not worth anything."

"What are you saying, Arthur?"

"I want you to cast a spell on us!" Arthur thought he'd never had a better idea in his life. 

"A spell? What kind of spell?"

"I want you to cast a spell that will ensure that we're always together!"

Merlin laughed again, still mirthless. "Arthur, I think you'd get sick of me if I was around all the time. And even if you wouldn't, I'm sure I'd get sick of you."

"Hey!" Arthur swatted at him halfheartedly.

"You can be a bit of a pompous prat sometimes, you know?"

"A prat, huh? I'll show you a prat!" Arthur pushed him, and Merlin fell off the boulder. He laughed at his immature display, then helped Merlin back up onto the boulder as his thoughts turned serious again. "I didn't mean that we'd have to always be in the same room or anything. I just…" He hesitated, trying to gather his thoughts, to say the words that he actually meant. "...I want a guarantee that you'll be there when I need you. Like today. You cast a spell so you'd know when I needed you and another to get here quickly when I did." He looked down, a bit embarrassed by the words he was about to say. "I think I'm going to need you a lot in the coming days…or rather years."

"You really want me around all the time?" Merlin had always seemed so confident, but his question was accompanied by a self consciousness that he'd never exhibited before.

"For all eternity!"

Merlin's eyes glowed golden, as they did whenever he used his magic, and he replied, "If you're certain, my magic has just shown me what must be done to make it so."

"I've never been more certain of anything in my life."

Eyes still glowing golden, Merlin reached between them, pulled Arthur's dagger from its scabbard, and sliced a thin cut into his own palm, then gestured for Arthur to do the same. He clasped their bloodied hands together and chanted "úre blódryne bintst úre sáwol flyhtclape on ecnesse." As he began the spell, the gold of his eyes consumed his body with a golden light so bright that Arthur couldn't bear to look at him, as if the sun had joined them in their cave, but as he uttered the final word of the spell, the glow reached across their clasped hands and pulled Arthur into it with him. He could feel the spell settle into his skin. Could feel himself become something more than he'd ever been before. 

He could feel Merlin's confidence in him, his love for him, like a golden beacon inside his consciousness. Where he'd never before felt worthy of becoming king, with Merlin's feelings buoying him, he felt that he could do anything. He hoped that his own feelings were doing the same for Merlin. That he could give as much as he was taking. 

"What did you do?" He breathed, hoping that the smile on his face conveyed just exactly how glad he was that Merlin had done…whatever this was. 

"I um…I'm not exactly sure. When you told me what you wanted, my magic simply made it clear how to do it for you. I think my magic likes you better than it likes me, by the way." He chuckled, patting Arthur's thigh then leaving his hand there fondly. "The words roughly translate to 'Our flowing blood binds our souls together for eternity', so I guess it means that I'll be there for you whenever you need me."

"Forever?"

"Absolutely."

Merlin's smile was the last thing to fade from this memory, and when Arthur returned to the virtual world, he retained a hint of Merlin's beacon of confidence inside of him. He clicked to exit the Google Earth app, pulled the headset and controllers off and smiled fondly at the memories that filled his head. He stumbled into his suite's kitchenette, fixed himself a large glass of water and a roast beef sandwich. Then, heeding the grumbling of his very empty stomach, he called down to the palace kitchens to ask for a bowl of vegetable soup to be brought up. 

As he ate, a notification pinged on his phone, announcing his upcoming appointment with his psychiatrist…because of course he'd put off trying what the quack had suggested at his last appointment until the very morning of his next appointment. He had thirty minutes before the zoom call, and decided to use that time to shower and shave. He honestly wasn't sure when he'd last done either of those. 

He found it rather funny that the suggested therapy had actually done him worlds of good, though not for any of the reasons that the quack could have known about. He kind of hated to give the guy any credit, partially because giving him credit for today's progress also meant giving Morgana credit for today's progress. And now that he was feeling a bit more like himself, his rivalry with his sister made it difficult to give her credit for anything, even if only to himself. It was a bit petty, but he considered skiving off today's call. 

But even as he had the thought, he realized that he was actually looking forward to the social interaction of the call, even though he didn't yet have the energy or drive to initiate any other interactions. Pulling on a red button down shirt, dressier than anything he'd worn in months, he initiated the zoom app on his laptop and waited for the quack to join. 

"Good afternoon, Arthur." Unlike each of their previous calls, the psychiatrist didn't join with video at first. "I'm having some difficulties with my camera today. I think I almost have it sorted. Would you like to tell me how you've been since our last visit?"

Arthur was annoyed about the video - this guy had never felt professional, but this really topped it all. However, he was also excited to talk about what had happened to him earlier that day. "I...ummm...I feel good today, actually. Something happened."

"Tell me about it." The therapist's voice sounded louder, like he'd leaned closer to the microphone. Perhaps more interested in what Arthur had to say than he'd been before, or maybe just troubleshooting his webcam. 

"Well, I went into Google Earth, like you suggested. But before I could search for London, I accidentally searched up Tintagel Castle." Arthur hesitated a moment, realizing how insane his story would sound. If he admitted what he'd seen, the quack might decide that he was a danger to himself, or others perhaps, and have him committed. 

"What did you think of the ruins? And did you find the statue?"

The statue, at least, was something that he could talk about. "Yes, actually, I felt that the statue could commiserate with my current situation." The video on the therapist's end of the connection flickered on, then off, then stayed on, showing his office, but no doctor. Arthur wondered where he could be, but as he called out to ask, the doctor crawled out from under the desk, where he'd apparently been reconnecting the video camera. "Dr. Emrys?"

"Yes, Arthur?" 

Arthur gasped at the familiar face. Of course he'd been meeting with Dr. Emrys for months now, so his face was familiar, but after today's visions, it was familiar in a new, much more important way. "Mer-lin?" As he said it, he realized what had likely happened. His mind had cast Dr. Emrys in his hallucinations because he'd been thinking about him while he wandered in Google Earth on his recommendation. If he wanted to avoid the looney bin, he needed to…

"Arthur? You remember me?" Merlin's smile was identical to the one he'd last flashed in the cave, and Arthur thought he might melt from its intensity. "I knew something felt different today!" He tapped his chest, like he was referring to the beacon that Arthur had felt inside him from the spell. "Tell me, what happened? How did you remember? What do you know?"

Arthur still hesitated, doubting himself, wondering if he was reading the situation wrong, but…how could he be? "You...umm…told me that you had magic, that you were born with it?" He didn't mean for that to sound like a question, but God, it sounded like the ravings of a crazy person for sure.

"Yes! That's right! Hey, have you read Harry Potter?"

That was so like his memory of Merlin, changing subjects randomly and then bringing it back to where they'd started. "Uhh, of course. Who hasn't?"

"So, would you freak out if I told you that I could apparate into your sitting room right now?"

Arthur chuckled. "No, you did that earlier...ummm...I mean… in my…" What the heck. His psychiatrist had just told him that he could teleport. If he was insane, then so was the doctor. "In my visions, you teleported into the cave when I needed you."

"Ahh, right. When Uther died. I remember. Of course you'd see that day. It was kind of important, considering what we did next." 

Arthur could tell that Merlin was fishing to see what else he'd seen. But dammit. He'd much rather talk to him in person than through zoom. "Merlin, please, I need you here." He intentionally echoed the words he'd said in the cave. 

And seconds later, Merlin was standing in front of him. 

Arthur stood up from the couch. He felt dazed. This couldn't actually be happening, could it? He put one palm against Merlin's cheek, amazed when his hand met with firm skin. "You're really here!" he breathed. 

"I told you, I'll always be here when you need me."

Arthur inched forward, one step at a time, almost afraid that Merlin would disappear and he'd be left bereft, like he'd been after his visions earlier. But when he finally reached Merlin, he wrapped his arms around him, folding him into a tight hug that he wasn't sure he'd ever release. As they stood there, just breathing, existing in each other's embrace, Arthur could feel the beacon of love, acceptance, confidence, and pride burning within him, even stronger now than it had been in his visions. 

And he knew, despite all of his previous misgivings, that he was ready to face his future. He could face anything as long as his Merlin was beside him.

**Author's Note:**

> Spell is in Old English, based on translations from this site: https://www.oldenglishtranslator.co.uk
> 
> I really hope you enjoyed it!


End file.
